3 minutes read | Written by Dorja Benussi

In a world flooded with countless how-to guides, from weight loss to world domination, it's natural to wonder if, perhaps, there is a step-by-step guide to emotional intelligence. However, when it comes to raising little ones, the reality is that there's no magic wand that can be waved or some secret recipe for baking up happy adults - I wish there were! The only way to truly teach emotional stability is to model balanced emotional responses ourselves, continuously learning and growing, through our personal experiences.

The onus is on us to cultivate the kind of regulated, grounded and emotionally intelligent individuals that we hope our children will become. It's not always a walk in the park; we're human, after all, with our own highs and lows, triggers and challenges. Nonetheless, while it may not be a simple task, it's definitely achievable.

Emotional regulation is perhaps the most crucial skill that we can teach our children, as it is the one thing they truly need to master in order to grow into happy and healthy adults. But we don't all have to become Zen masters ourselves in order to impart this vital skill to them. Luckily, there are several ways to do it.

Step 1: The right environment

One essential ingredient in building emotional stability is creating a supportive and adaptable sensory environment. Studies have proven that our emotional experiences are closely linked to both our physical surroundings and our bodily sensations. By becoming more attuned to their senses and how to handle them, children can better cope with challenges and maintain emotional balance. In a sensory-friendly atmosphere, they can learn to identify and manage their emotions, starting with recognising how those emotions feel physically. This not only helps in the moment by improving mood and focus, but also prepares them for navigating more complex situations in the future. It's the first step towards their emotional literacy and eventual emotional balance.

Emotional regulation is kind of a big deal, especially when it comes to raising happy humans. It's all about being able to offer the tools they need to navigate the choppy waters of life with ease.

Step 2: It’s us

It's true; parents are the culprits for everything. So, not only do we have to climb the never-ending mountain of consciousness, but our parenting must be relaxed, gentle, yet authoritative, respectful, but fun… We also have to scale the giant rock face of modelling balanced behaviour. No pressure, right?

By holding ourselves accountable, apologising when we make mistakes, letting ourselves go a little crazy but also rerouting quickly; all this is still teaching balance. We can start by noticing our bodily reactions and influencing them to direct the way we feel. It's a skill most of us were never taught, but one we can still learn and pass on to the next generation. While creating a supportive and flexible environment is definitely important, our approach matters just as much. A good place to start is by respecting our kids as unique individuals and allowing them to learn at their own pace.

Modelling healthy emotional regulation requires us to be aware of our own patterns and triggers. However, it's not necessary to be eerily calm at all times. Life can get messy, and sometimes (ok, a lot of the time) we need to express those loud emotions. But there is something in teaching the balance we’re simultaneously trying to learn ourselves. It can feel like play. When in doubt, we can always go back to noticing our bodily reactions and using them to direct the way we feel. It’s a key building block of emotional intelligence. Sometimes we manage to think our way out of uncomfortable feelings, but if we really want to do it right, it has to include our senses as well. Which brings us back to Step 1.

Emotional intelligence probably is the most important skill we can teach our children, and it doesn't require us to be gurus of inner peace. Let’s go through some simple ideas:

Emotional regulation is a lifelong journey and it takes time and practice to build these skills. So, let’s be kind to ourselves and to our kids as we work on improving in this area.
Let’s respect our kids as unique individuals, and create a supportive and flexible environment that allows them to learn at their own pace.
Let’s encourage those wildlings to notice their own bodily reactions and use them to direct the way they feel. This is a valuable skill that will serve them well throughout their lives.
We don't have to be perfect(ly calm). Parenting is wild and challenging, and we're all just doing the best we can.

Written by

Dorja Benussi

Co-founder of Tink Things and Benussi&theFish
Designer & creative director, mom, dancer, overthinker, peace pursuer